Let go? Let go!

It sure has been a crazy last couple of months. I have hesitated to post something lately because I don’t even know where to start. I guess first off, I thought I would get some time to start posting a bit more regularly because I lost my job. My boss let me go toward the end of February, just about a week after my last post. It is pretty much a case of "be careful what you put out into the universe and extra careful what you put into writing!  I actually had asked for a meeting with him so I could discuss the way my job has been going but before I could talk to him about my concerns  he decided that things weren’t working for him so he decided to let me go. I may never know if we went into the meeting with his intent to fire me or if it was his “not thinking past this 5 minute personality” or him not wanting to hear what it is I wanted to talk about as he really hates to hear about any of his failings and he will go to great lengths to avoid having to deal with those.  I have been trying really hard to think of this as a good thing and that he did me a favor in letting me go because I have been desperately stressed and not happy at all at work lately but he paid really , really well and it is going to be pretty difficult to replace that.  

 I tend to pretty much bury my head in the sand and haven’t been able to deal with facing current events as I have been so stressed about just dealing with my own every day to day stress that adding anymore to my already beyond stressed life would probably push me over the edge so I really hadn’t even know that the whole world was falling apart around me with the pandemic. I took a trip to Idaho to go back home the week after I was let go. The trip had actually been planned  several weeks ahead of that so it was kind of a bummer about the timing of it all because had I known a bit earlier that I  didn’t have to rush back for work I would have been able to have a longer visit. It was during my trip that I started to learn about what was going on with the extent of the pandemic. A couple of days after returning from Idaho my husband’s boss made the decision to close down his business for the time being to participate in the social distancing practices and a few days after that Washington made it mandatory that all non-essential businesses close. My husband is working part time and he is down to making 20% of his salary but so far, he pretty much spends the largest part of his day in the back room doing heaven only knows what on the computer. I am taking it a bit personally that he doesn’t want to spend any time with me but I cant say that I blame him because I am beyond stressed and probably not a lot of fun to be with.  Its already been almost 3 weeks that he has been off and so far, we haven’t really gotten anything done. We have lots of things that needs done around the house, but I have been so depressed and stressed out that I find it extremely difficult most days to even get out of bed. The longer I just sit around the harder it is to get up off the couch. My head has been spinning and my self-esteem has been completely back in the dumps and  I have been feeling pretty worthless after giving my heart and soul to a job and boss and to have him find me not valuable or worth a crap to even try to listen to me or to try to work things out and to just want me gone has been devastating. I have never been let go from a job before and let me tell you it sucks! I know I just need to pull on my big girl pants and move on but that is also difficult when I know that I don’t even need to pull on pants because we are all stuck at home. I really just need to keep thinking that at least we are fairly healthy, and after all, I need to stay healthy because I don't have insurance anymore.   Hehe…maybe tomorrow will be a more productive day!