Brutal Weekend

Well another weekend is done and gone.  This one was more than brutal than most.  We worked setting up and tearing down for a swanky fund raiser for a local hospital/cancer center. We started at 3:00 pm on Friday afternoon and worked till 3:30 am the next morning setting up lighting and a stage for a band. We had to go back to work at 11:00 pm that same night and worked tearing it all back down. We worked till 9:30 the next morning (Sunday). I know most people probably don't think or know what it takes to put on shows and events but there are hundreds of people and hundreds to thousands of hours for even the smallest shows and parties. I enjoy being part of something so awesome but I  sometimes feel like I am getting too old and I am certainly too fat for such work. I guess the best thing I can do it to keep trying to get more healthy and in better shape.

I have to admit it was an awful Mothers Day! The hubby and I were both pretty sore and tired so we didn't do anything but chill the rest of the day so for mothers day I got a $5 pizza.   I cant even begin to tell you how brutal it is to not be able to spend holidays with family.  Each and every day is brutal but Holidays are somehow worse.  I know it was my own decisions and mistakes that created the pain so that makes it all the worse. I keep hoping somehow, someway I will be able to learn to live with the pain but that doesn't seem to be happening. "Just breath" is the theme song and harder to follow than you can even imagine.
Please don't get me wrong, I am very thankful I got to at least talk to my mom and kids on the phone but I cant seem to get past the thought that I have utterly and totally let them all down.  The pain is debilitating but I feel like I deserve it.  "Just Breath"!!